I never thought that having returned back to my country that I would be missing London to this extent. It got me questioning why oh why don't we properly appreciate the present moment?  Us as human beings always live in the future and dwell in the past it's a common fact and very few amongst us succeed at living in the present moment at all given times. It's a daily goal I'm trying to master but I'll tell you it ain't anywhere close to easy, there's always something that get's into the way  - anxiety for one climbs all the way to the top of my list.

CHALLENGE TO SELF: Stop overthinking and just live. 

I loved every moment of my stay in London and it breaks my heart today to now look back and realise it's all become the past . To recollect at how many times I wanted to one day return back to my home town, I now have a slight regret of not appreciating the life I had in London to it's fullest.. as let's face it no matter which country you're in - shit follows and that's just called life. This goes down to always comparing and idealizing your old life which even at that time you would have thought you could do with change but then becomes a hint of nostalgia when you later look back. It's weird how we always want what we can't have right? 

Having returned back to Malta, the country which I grew up in for the 18 years prior to leaving home, I never thought that upon my return I would have become such a changed person. I never really saw the connection with myself and London until this last month, but I can see clearly now the rain has gone - literally!!! (Atleast I make myself laugh) it has made it's impact on me, I tried so hard once I was up there to keep my French/ Maltese identity but after six years residing in the UK it's safe to say that even though I am not considered British - Britain one hundred percent has got my heart and will be a big part of me for the rest of my days - I am forever grateful. 

It will always be the place which thought me to leave home, become independent, live alone, it thought me how to love, appreciate my country and my family, it changed my frame of mind to a complete 360 degrees. It's shaped me into the adult I am today, for all the obstacles and challenges I faced and overcome and let's just say London is the number one country to make you appreciate the true value of money. 

I'm writing this post, naturally with a mug of coffee (no surprise there) on a HOT sunday morning. You see it was common for me to come down during the summer months and enjoy some family quality time and soak up the excruciating heat just to make it enough to endure a cold winter back in London. However, by now, mid-August I would have already been on my return flight back to London and get back to my own place and startup my daily routine. This time it's different - I don't know when the next time I'll be heading back and it's been a little hard to digest that this is not a holiday and this is actually where I am based now. We can say that I'm experiencing a hint of being home sickness; which I find funny/ironic considering my family is based here, so originally Malta is considered my home but as my heart was in London for the last seven years, I guess it's hard letting that all go and become the past. It's all about looking forward from this point on and subsiding the pain, heartbreak and loss that you might be experiencing throughout this point in your life. 

I've assigned myself five challenges to overcome being home sick, here is what I think would help myself and hopefully could be useful or helpful to whoever is in the same boat as me!  Scroll down.

1) FIND A JOB / HAVE A DAILY ROUTINE

If I thought London was a pickle for job hunting, Malta isn't exactly any better right now.. && let's just say in a country where Fashion is a little limited and backwards.. A fashion degree and orientated CV isn't exactly working in my favour. A job will definitely help in the long run, hopefully it will be sooner rather than later to keep your sanity, your mind and yourself busy plus earning a little extra on the side is a small bonus, just kidding massive bonus. 

2) GIVE A CHANCE TO CHANGE 

Hmmm.. this one will be a toughy. Anyone who truly knows me will gather that I HATE CHANGE it's funny considering I love spontaneity. I am a person who loves to be organised and have a routine going and you  mess with the system it takes me a while to adjust/ adapt hence this blog post of being home sick, it's been a little hard to digest the whole thing. The best description of this year is I feel like I keep being picked upside down and shook and when my feet finally touch the ground I feel light headed and dizzy and takes me time to adjust back to reality and once that's the case here we go again something else picks me back upside down and it's became a paradigm of 2017 for me, how many months left to 2018? Damn it you see.. it's about living in the moment, i told you it ain't easy!  

3) BECOME AN EXTROVERT

I've really set myself up to get out of my comfort zone which is already making me itch relating to second step above - I hate change. I for one, am an introvert. What does that mean? I choose staying indoors any day to heading out - give me a sushi night cuddled with a good movie, company or have a beauty session any day to clubbing and being out - but hey socialising is important especially when you're starting fresh. It's important to meet new people that could inspire you and lead to new greater things. Change is perhaps good and it's only through change and being outdoors can better things happen. Surround yourself with positive people, explore new things,  make this change exciting and a new start. 

4) RECREATE NEW OLD HABITS  

One thing that perhaps has been setting me backwards is the all the habits that I had that I will no longer be able to have access to. I do somehow today feel lost without them in my daily life - somehow I've always been on holiday mode whilst in Malta so I never had a chance to gain proper rituals but I guess it's about time I start. I know this might be cliche but I am missing my usual cups of coffee from Starbucks especially when I incorporated it into my daily routine be it during a uni day, work day or even when I treated myself to one on a day off, they all had a significant meaning and a home made cup of coffee is good but it doesn't represent the same thing. It was my guilty pleasure, and an expensive one once it adds up. 

Nothing will ever be the same, you can never 100% fully replace something or someone for that matter perhaps these steps all link to number two - accept different. (After all, change is the major factor of this post) Try incorporate the things that made you happy in your old life and bring them into your new life. It could be upgraded habits, exactly the same or cutting a habit and changing it for something else. 

5) PLAN A VISIT

I don't know on what terms you left things back home, but for me I can't just pick up and leave without looking back on London especially with all the fond memories I carry with me. Who knows perhaps one day I'll be back but it's not in the cards for me right now. For now I can just be excited to go on holiday and visit  friends and pick up on what will now be considered old habits. It's important to have something to look forward to that makes the whole process bearable and gives you something to look forward to whilst trying to enjoy the present moment! I'm sure in time it will get easier, like does everything else but for now I need to go back for a visit stat - this peak season can't end soon enough!